Grandma, who are you?

I love you grandma! You held me as a baby and asked me if I remembered Kathy, you cradled me in your arms when I was two and admired my freckles. You told me often that I was beautiful, especially poignant during my hyper-self-conscious adolescent years. I would look in the mirror afterwards and think, "yeah, maybe I do look pretty today." Once you even told me how much you wished you had dark eyebrows like me, at a time when I hated my eyebrows, negatively obsessing over how bushy they were before I knew how to pluck. You love my children. Do you love yourself?

I see family movies of you grandma from 20-30 years ago, jumping in the waves in your swimsuit at the beach, hitting a baseball and running the bases. Looking at your teenage pics, you can tell you loved your friends and liked to have fun. Were you rebellious? What was your relationship like with your parents? In more recent years grandma, you're more quiet. What are you feeling? I wish I could be there more often, yet I live so far away and I sometimes feel hesitant, fearful to reach out since you've always been the one to reach out to me. Yet when I have, the love I feel is strong. Grandma, your life is in its twilight but we still have you! Do you feel like we're there for you enough? What do you need to tell us? What can we say to you? What can we ask you? Are you ready to tell us?

Grandma, do we truly know you?